The Journey of Change

May 2006

Every so often we go through changes in our life. Some are small changes, others are large changes. This is the story of just such a change.

As I was in my mid-thirties life took an unusual swing. The seizures I had suffered from for several years started becoming more intense. They started to take more of a drain on my body and I didn't recover as quickly. They also changed in the frequency and times I had them. While for many years I had only experienced them occasionally during sleep (sometimes going 2 years between them), they started to occur while awake and they often left me feeling unable to want to do anything for weeks afterward.

Of course the lack of energy took its toll on my body. I began to put on weight. I went from the 150ish I had been after the birth of my last child in 1992 to the 170 range and then continued on upward. I tried to lose weight, I tried to exercise, but as soon as I would start to make some progress (and I did a few times) I would have a seizure and it would set me back by weeks. I would be unable to exercise for the pain and generally just didn't care whether I did anything or not. It was very frustrating for my family for if they wanted to do something my standard response was "I don't feel like it". There was nothing ever specific I could pinpoint, I just didn't feel like it.

By 2005 my seizures were often occurring every few weeks and I really was lethargic all the time. Because of an accident I was in (I did not have a seizure, I had passed out from nausea due to food poisoning), I went back in to see a neurologist for the first time in almost 17 years. Previously I had been told it was a sleeping disorder and the side effects of any medicine would be worse than the seizures were since I had them so infrequently so I had never been on anything for them. Ever. The night before I was to see the doctor I had one. This was the 3rd seizure in about 5 weeks. At that time he decided to put me on Dilantin due to the frequency and the way I had them. That was in May of 2005.

By Aug of 2005 I was feeling as though I was coming out of a fog I had been in for years. I had been seizure free since the one in May and decided I was going to try and lose weight. I was in the neighborhood of 200 pounds and so the journey into weight loss and finding the new me began.

Through the help of an online support group (Thank you, Down4December) I began to lose weight. It was a little at a time but they were tremendously encouraging in helping me to do a few minutes of exercise, or drink water, or just watch what I was eating for that day. Whatever I needed they were there for. Ever so slowly I began to see the scale drop. I am quite sure my job helped as I walk every day on it. Every little thing added up. I even colored my hair for the first time in my life to cover the gray that was showing very prominently. This was in reaction to having been called Charlie's mother on more than one occasion. I was starting to wear makeup again (not a lot but enough to cover the roseacea and scars on my face) which I hadn't worn since high school. Jewelry long forgotten came out of boxes and was cleaned so it could be worn.  On several occasions my scouts mentioned there was "something's wrong with Becky cause she's acting weird".

When May of 2006 came I had dropped 30 pounds. I was very excited and decided to make a drastic change. The day I hit the 30 pound mark was the day before I was seizure free for a year. Thus my celebration was for 2 reasons. I went and exchanged my glasses for contact lenses for the first time in my life. This was followed by a haircut. Not just any haircut but a drastic haircut. My hair which had at various times in my life been long enough to sit on (and every length in between) didn't even touch my collar. My family didn't like it, and a couple of my coworkers didn't like it but most everyone else thought it looked good and really suited me. I personally don't know but you can see for yourself. I liked it at first but with all the negative feedback from the family its really hard to stay excited. I got a lot of compliments and several people have said that they wouldn't have recognized me if they had passed me on the street (including my pastor and his wife). In fact there have been quite a few people who have not known me until I spoke and they recognized my voice.

Here are 3 photos of me. The first was taken in 2000. The second was taken during the early part of April 2006 before the drastic change and was taken in the cavern where I work but after most of the weight I have lost was gone. The third is after my "makeover". You can judge for yourself how you think I look with "the new look". Feel free to drop me a line and let me know what you think. Do I look older? younger? Do you like it? Do you not? Do I look like the same person? 

My journey will continue as I would like to lose maybe another 20 pounds or so. I don't know that it will be more than that. Right now its 5 pounds at a time and so the never ending journey continues...